Sherri Cornelius » age

A question of aging

Sherri — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 18:57:19 +0000

I guess I’ve been in a kind of shock over the past few months, but as I was looking in the mirror today, it struck me: I’m 40. How the hell did that happen? How in the world did I become a creature that a man in his 30s (always my benchmark for solid adulthood) would not look twice at? How did kids born when I was an adult get to be adults themselves? Why is my hair thinning, my skin sagging, my body aching?

And the biggest question of all: Why am I surprised?

I’ve been calling myself middle aged for a couple of years. The main thing I’ve noticed is I don’t get as many appreciative looks as I used to, but somehow the age thing never played a part in my understanding. I thought it was just because I don’t take care of myself, and that’s part of it of course, but also it’s because my place in society is shifting.* And I didn’t ask it to! I’m still talking to people the same way, but more and more I find myself confused by their responses. People of all ages seem to be connecting with me differently, and I’m just now putting two and two together.

People seem less interested in what I say, but more obliged to listen; the folks who are dismissive and those who are intimidated seem to have switched places; I’m surprised when others seem to be put off by my enthusiastic manner. I fear it makes me seem unstable and/or on drugs. Being compared to a puppy was cute when I was 16, but now it seems weird. However, I think I still look good in a ponytail, but who knows?

Like I said, I’m wondering how I got here without noticing things were changing. But it’s pretty clear now that I’ve arrived at a destination. When I figure out where that is, I’ll let you know. It just struck me, is all.

Oh, I just realized the biggest question of all: Why don’t I know what I’m doing by now? Sheesh.

*I first typed “shitting”, which is also fitting. My place in society is shitting. Indeed.

Way to slip the existential crisis in at the end, Sherri.

Sherri — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 12:03:16 +0000

Somebody just spam-commented every single post on my blog. And though the format makes it obvious it’s the same spammer, it appears each IP address is unique, though I didn’t check all 300 of ‘em, obviously. That’s crazy. Crazy spammers. That’s the biggest reason to love WordPress, their excellent spam filter. All I had to do was hit a button and they were all gone. But if I continue to get that much spam, I won’t be able to check it for false positives like I have been. They are few and far between, but occasionally one slips through. So if your comment doesn’t show up, holla and I’ll go check the spam. I promise I haven’t moderated you. I’ve only ever deleted angry and/or crazy comments, and that totals about four.

I don’t know what in the hell happened to me, but I woke up early this morning, like five o’clock, when the hubs got up for work. I usually sleep right through his morning routine, but not today. It may be that my aching bones made it hard to get comfortable. I’m so old.

My mom turned 59 last week, and my dad will be 60 in August. My in-laws are in their late-60s. My step-daughter is married with a baby, and all my cousins’ kids are grown up with mates and kids of their own. Makes me wonder where the time went. Have I done everything I was supposed to do? I know I have many years left, but I used to believe I had greatness in me. It turns out I’m just a regular gal after all. Even if I do something great, I’ve established my regularness.

It’s pretty nice, actually, knowing I’m regular. Back when I thought I had a special purpose in this world I felt a lot of pressure. Now if I accomplish any kind of greatness, it’s all gravy.

A whole lotta wisdom

Sherri — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 14:56:51 +0000

I don’t have anything important to say today, but I feel compelled to post. That’s how it is with me; there is no planning, no future posting as some of my more industrious friends may use. There is only the moment. Only the now.

So right now I’m happy to be 39 and happy that I’ll be 40 soon. That sounds so frickin’ old, and sometimes it feels old, like after I’ve been to the park, where sk8rs also hang. Or chill, or whatever they say now. Little did I know at 16 that I wouldn’t give a rat’s ass what the kids say when I was 39. I also had no idea that at 39 I would consider 16-year-olds the dumbest creatures on the planet, and for safety’s sake should be locked in a small room until they turn 18. Having this perspective now makes me wonder what baby boomers think of my demographic.

I realized something as I was pondering my advanced age and wisdom. Most of the wisdom I have, I’ve gained over the past, say, five years. From the time I was born, I went through crap, more crap, still more crap, then BOOM, I’m 30-something and starting to process all that crap. Right? I think most people are that way. We’re young and dumb, and then some time after our brains are physically fully developed (I’ve read this doesn’t happen till our mid-twenties) we start to gain real wisdom.

I went to Wikipedia and looked up life expectancy through the years. They say that at the beginning of the previous century, the life expectancy was only 30–45, and in medieval Britain it was only 20–30! So I thought, “Man, if I lived a few hundred years ago, I’d be just about dead by now. I’d be ancient. The wise old lady of my village.”

Have you noticed how as a society we’re becoming more and more enlightened through the decades? That’s why! We all live long enough to at least have a chance to gain a whole lot of wisdom.

Of course then I wondered if our brains just developed faster back in the days when 30 was old. Experience shapes the brain, right? And if a whole lotta life experience was packed in to a shorter time, maybe 30 was the equivelant to 80 now. That probably was the case to an extent, but I believe we’ve outpaced that. What I think is, people were running around with their undeveloped brains being queens and knights and raising babies and working the land.

That’s what I think.