Sherri Cornelius

First of all, I’d just like to know who ran over me with a truck while I slept last night. Anyone wanna fess up? I didn’t feel like I worked that hard, so why do I hurt so bad? And of course it’s not the muscles aching, which would indicate some real exercise, only my miserable joints. Ugh.

The weekend blurred all together like one long day. During one waking part of that long day, we dismantled our chain-link fence, only large enough for the tiniest of dogs, and perpetually in the way. It was relatively easy to get apart – not rusted together or anything – and the kids helped by rolling up the fencing and pulling apart the tubes. They even helped carry it all to the junk pile behind the shed. I think I’ll give it away on Freecycle. I wish we’d done it a long time ago. Having that eye sore gone really opens it up, makes the back yard park-like instead of prison-like.

Something else cool that happened this weekend: I got the short story I’m to edit for the final test in my job application with the e-publisher. I’m learning already. Did you know that to create an EM dash in Word, all you have to do is hit Cntrl/Alt/number pad minus? Without that little tidbit, I think you have to find the special characters menu, and blah blah blah. Tedium in spades. Anyway, I send this first round back on June 14. If they publish the story with my edits, they’ll offer me a contract and I’ll start getting royalties on this first story.

You know, I really like knowing all sides of anything I’m involved with. When I worked at Sonic as a teenager, I begged them to teach me every job, even how to clean the grill and make onion rings. The other kids were, like, “Why would you WANT to know how to do more work? Now Derrick will make you do everything.” I didn’t care. I loved knowing all the ins and outs of a drive-in burger joint. I loved being able to do any job in there.

Same thing when I worked at a sewing factory. I took any opportunity to learn a new job at the boss’s request, and sometimes pestered people to let me practice on their machines at break times. The jobs I couldn’t physically do, I watched and learned. And with every boyfriend I ever had, I took on his interests. That’s how I learned about meteorology, and how to work on cars, and basic woodworking, and how to process marijuana into smokeable form (something I could have lived without knowing).

I guess that’s why I enjoy Deadliest Catch and How It’s Made, and not so much Survivor or The Bachelor. It’s why I used to explore abandoned houses as a kid, and ask strangers unusual questions as an adult. I just want to know, is all.

I wish you all a happy, good week.

I’ve been thinking a lot about mistakes. Mistakes I’ve made and mistakes others have made with me. I forgive others’ mistakes a lot easier than I forgive my own. I think a lot of us are that way, but one mistake I make over and over is believing that everyone is that way.

But that’s not really the point. This isn’t a woe-is-me post, nor a heavy reflection of my inner workings. It’s just a fact: I don’t give up on people, ever, except for myself. Embarrassment makes me back off. I go through a strange cycle of introversion and extroversion. Some days, when confronted with a new opportunity, I say, “What have I got to lose?” and dive in, head first. Sometimes I belly flop and come up laughing. Sometimes I go in without a splash. During my extrovert times, those are the two normal outcomes.

But then something changes. I’m diving in, having a wonderful time, and something will happen that I can’t laugh off. Usually it has to do with me saying the wrong thing, some sheer dumb utterance that I can’t take back, and it freezes me up. And I’ll stay that way a while, frozen on the outside, burning on the inside, flogging myself, “Stupid, stupid stupid,” until I get a little unexpected success that flips the switch the other way.

I said this wouldn’t be a reflective post, didn’t I? Sorry.

If I have a point in this rambling post, it’s this: I don’t want to let my mistakes shame me into quitting anymore.

I just threw my hat in the freelance writer ring, putting a profile on oDesk, and even answering my first interview request. (Haven’t had the interview yet, though.) I’m bound to make a lot of mistakes, as I’ve never done this kind of thing before.

Thing is, I know I’m smart enough to do it. I’m an extremely hard worker. I have the skills necessary, and I want to put them to use. I have to allow myself the mistakes I will certainly make, and continue on, because I am at heart a very tenacious person when the knee-jerk embarrassment is not a factor. Stupidly tenacious, at times.

Maybe I’m finally ready to try freelancing because my need of a new laptop outweighs my fear this time. Wish me luck!