Part 1

I’ve often wondered how I would be, had I grown up with a father. A certain set of problems I had in early adulthood (promiscuity that never cured my desperate loneliness, self-abuse, compulsive risk-taking) used to baffle me, until I started to accumulate a little life experience. I always thought these behaviors could have been caused by not having a strong male role model, but as I observed other girls’ behavior, I could see a distinct line drawn down the middle, those who had strong, life-long father figures on one side, and those of us with either a bad one or none at all on the other side.

So is it better to have a “bad” father, or none at all?

Don’t get me wrong, I have good memories of my step-fathers, but, like my real father, once separated from my mother, they were gone from my life. That’s understandable. I don’t blame anyone for this, it’s just what happened. I’m also not feeling sorry for myself, just coming to an understanding.

I found a 10-page article called “The effects absent fathers have on female development and college attendance,” which I wish I could include in its entirety. It clearly outlines the pattern of my own development. I include the most significant portion here for the benefit of my step-daughter, whom I believe sneaks a peek at this blog from time to time.

College Student Journal, Dec, 2001 by Franklin B. Krohn, Zoe Bogan

Fatherless daughters compared to those with present father figures are in higher risk of teenage pregnancy, college drop out and low self-esteem. In addition fatherless daughters are in higher risk of suicide, homelessness and disorders. According to Getting Men Involved: The Newsletter of the Bay Area Male Involvement Network, (Spring 1997):

* 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.

* 90% of all homeless runaway children are from fatherless homes

* 85% of all children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes.

* 80% of rapists motivated by displaced anger come from fatherless homes.

* 71% of all high school dropouts are from fatherless homes.

* 75% of all adolescents’ patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes.

* 70% of juveniles in state-oriented institutions come from fatherless homes.

* 85% of all youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home.

* Fatherless children are 20% less likely to attend college.

These disturbing statistics reflect how important a role fathers play in the lives of their children ensuring that they are not negatively influenced. Unfortunately, fatherless daughters occasionally find difficulties combating these alarming statistics because their father support is so scarce. Fathers have especially important roles in supporting the development of a constructive sense of assertiveness and independent in their daughters (Biller, 1993, p. 150). A secure base provided by fathers brings stability to their daughters’ lives ultimately allowing them to be more focused.

Father stability is a major factor in his daughter’s life. A father who is not grounded and rooted is doing his daughter a disservice by bringing chaos into her life. Much of the development, strengths and depth of a woman’s character depends on her father’s stability (Griffin, 1998, p. 25). A grounded father is able to affect his daughter’s decisions by teaching the choices she makes today will affect her tomorrow.

Inconstant father-daughter relations can have a devastating effect on a female’s life by making her more vulnerable to outside influences. Daughters of single parents in comparison to those from intact homes are:

* 53% more likely to marry as teenagers

* 111% more likely to have children as teenagers

* 164% more likely to be a single parent

* 92% more likely to divorce if they marry

Fathers who do not play an active role in their daughters’ development and provide them the security needed, makes their daughters’ growth process difficult. This activity forces the mother to act as both parents, consequently putting a strain on the mother-daughter relationship. Nevertheless secure foundations provided by the father to his daughter can alleviate certain stresses present in single parent households.

I’d be glad to hear your thoughts on this post, whatever view you take.

Go to part 2

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