I have been working on the query letter for Stolen Magic–a fearsome task. Often we are too close to our own work to judge which parts will be relevant to a fresh reader. At OWFI I got some great advice on how to fix my query from Philip Martin at Blue Horse Books and Great Lakes Literary. I include here for everyone’s benefit my awkward first query letter, Philip’s advice, and the much-improved second version.
A goddess held against her will recruits Morganise to free her. But how will a simple country girl defeat the fire god? Touched by the goddess, Morganise acquires abilities heard of only in legend. As her new-given powers unfold, she draws the attention of Lectara, the priestess of Charik’s temple. Lectara has lived for centuries by stealing the bodies of her successors, and Morganise is the next in line.
The themes of the book run deeper than simply the battle between good and evil. The angst-ridden relationship with her childhood friend, Keldan, as well as the origins of a blind and twisted spirit-handler, Kechli, tell of how we are all connected on a level we don’t always understand. Another theme is the erosion of tradition and how that can give rise to terrible things.
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Okay. Now, his advice. 1) I need to mention Morganise first, to make sure she imprints on the agent’s mind as the protagonist. 2) Take out the “good and evil” line, unnecessary and boring, because all books are about good and evil, ultimately. 3) I forgot to say the genre and word count, etc. 4) The relationships are the important part, the interesting part. Focus on those, once the basic plot is quickly set into place.
The new query:
Stolen Magic is a fantasy novel of 70,000 words. As it begins, Morganise must free the gentle Mother Goddess, who is being held against her will. But how can a simple country girl defeat the impetuous Fire God? Touched by the goddess, Morganise acquires abilities known only from legend. As her powers unfold, she draws the attention of Lectara, the priestess of the Fire God’s temple. Lectara has lived for centuries by stealing the bodies of her successors, and Morganise is the next in line.
The angst-ridden relationship with Morganise’s childhood friend, Keldan, as well as the origins of Kechli, a blind and twisted spirit-handler, tell of how we are all connected on a level we don’t always understand. When tradition erodes so does that connection, leaving a deep loneliness behind. Morganise is driven by a need to lessen the loneliness, to find a place in a world that has never really wanted her.
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You can see how much the second paragraph changed. Once I started rewriting with the relationships in mind, it occurred to me that a major relationship is between Morganise and the world, which is also what drives her. I’m not sure I even realized her motives until I wrote it.
The rewrite got a thumbs-up from Philip
(woo-hoo !)
and I feel I have turned a corner. The query letter seems not so scary now. It is NOT an impossibly cruel request. You can do it, too.
Filed under: Life
