Sherri Blossoms

Here’s a story dictated to me by my son, Jonah. He’s eight.

Stupid Creatures

By Jonah

It’s about three kids. Jupiter is 13, Alex is 12, and Mary is 5. They have super powers. They have to fight gigantic stupid worms. And electric monsters that hit them in the face. And dragons who like picking their wings with their toenails. And ice monsters that like freezing their butts off.

And they have a pet bird named Carl Manbirdy. They have to find the Stone of Dreams. Oh yeah, and plant monsters and rock monsters and lava monsters. What do they do with those monsters? Sometimes, play cards.

First they meet dinosaurs playing hockey and have to play hockey with them to get through the rink. Then Alex slips and fall on one of the dinosaurs’ tail. Then the dinosaur goes crazy and tries to eat Alex alive. And then Jupiter and Mary run over and step on someone else’s tail on accident. So then all the dinosaurs go crazy and try to eat them alive. They grabbed one of the stick thingies and they hit the big round thingy into the big hoopy thing. So they get a score, the dinosaurs run after them and they throw their stick thingies at them and the net falls down and they get away.

Then they get to the lava monsters, who are allergic to pizza sauce. The lava monsters hate each other, and they use pizza sauce to kill each other. Then the kids grab the bucket and hit them all in the face with the pizza sauce and the lava monsters’ faces puff up like a cupcake. So they fall over and say, “I could use a WetNap.”

This entire post was written while using my new keyboard for the first time, so it might be a bit boring. You’ve been warned.

So I’m working with a new keyboard, a real splurge. It’s a Microsoft Wireless Keyboard 3000 with a matching wireless mouse, and it has a great keystroke action. A huge improvement from the old Dell keyboard that came with my desktop machine. The coolest thing about this keyboard is that it has a tiny USB receiver which snaps into the bottom of the mouse so I don’t lose it. The keyboard is really light, so I can carry it around to use on any computer I want. Right now I have the keyboard on my lap while the laptop sits on the couch next to me.

And you might be wondering why the heck I would need a keyboard on the couch when I have a frickin’ laptop, right? Well I’m only trying it out on the couch, I doubt I’ll use it here on a regular basis. I’ll be using it mostly at the computer desk while writing. Using a laptop on a table can be ergonomically terrible, and I was developing pain in my arms and wrists and shoulders and back and neck…does that just about cover the entire torso?

Since I realized what was causing all this discomfort, I plugged in to the desktop’s keyboard and mouse, and while it helped with the discomfort, that stupid keyboard is a nightmare for a typist of any speed. The profile of the keys is a mile high, and they depress only if they are hit square in the middle, so that means I’m typing along, thinking I hit the keys and when I look up I see I’m missing every fourth letter. So I slow down and still end up having to backspace constantly to fill in missing letters. When I started shopping on the Internet the best one looked to be the Logitech Wave, with its gently rolling plane, but when I went to Staples to try it out the key action just wasn’t perfect. The one I ended up with has key action pretty much like my laptop, only maybe a little clickier, which is actually kind of nice.

The only bad thing about my purchase is that I chose a neoprene wrist rest, and the off-gassing is TERRIBLE. I doubt I’ll be able to use it. It needs to sit out in the sun and bake out all those noxious fumes.

But the keyboard, yeah, it’s great.

I know I’ve been a little scarce around here, but the good news is that very few people are coming on purpose to look for new content. Whew. The bad news is that I’ve been oh so lazy in showing my gratitude for good things which have come my way in the past little while. I have the best budz on the webz, and I think I’m a little spoiled because not everybody could possibly be this lucky.

Case in point:

Yellowcat sent me this t-shirt as a prize for her little movie-lines contest. Now I have the only t-shirt from Bubba’s in Oklahoma, it’s safe to assume, and I wear it with pride. (Yes, I know it’s backwards. Too lazy to flip it.) Thanks, Holly!

And another confirmation my blog friends are indeed flesh-and-bone people:

I helped Ian on three of these books. I was a beta on Mustang Sally and Troubleshooters (my fave) and helped him in the Amazon book contest process on Deep Six, and though I didn’t work on The Archmage, he knew I’d like to have a complete set. He threw The Archmage in for kicks. These will be worth something someday, guaranteed. They’re signed and everything. A very sweet thing to do. Thanks, Ian!

And these aren’t the only things I’ve received from you guys. I’ve gotten snail mail from several of you, and books, and cds, and I just love getting these little pieces of my Internet friends. So now I’m thinking maybe I should have a contest and give something from my world as the prize. I’m going to really have to think about what it could be.I write, of course, and I can sketch, sort of. I don’t work, so no t-shirts. I have a daughter who makes her own greeting cards and a son who draws the coolest action scenes ever. I have several writing books I could pass along. Have I mentioned anything on the blog that made you say, “If only I had one of those”?

And what could the contest be? Oh dear.

Laptop computers are about mobility, but I’ve never been able to fully utilize this perk. I’ve had two laptops in my life, and both had tired, old batteries which means that I’ve been plugged in the whole time. Especially with this laptop, because the battery had about 20 minutes of life, but miscommunication between the battery and Windows made it so there was no warning when the battery went out. It just WENT. If the plug jiggled out of the jack or if I forgot to plug it in altogether, I would just lose whatever I was working on. Major suckage.

So when I came into a little extra cash, I researched a new laptop. This one weighs eight pounds, and the screen resolution is for watching videos which makes everything tiny, and a few other little quirks. But mostly, I was sick of the power issues from both laptops.

What I found was this: Laptops are expensive, y’all. Sure, I could get an el cheapo from Wal-Mart and compromise on features, but why get one that won’t do what I need it to do? And my current one was top of the line when it was made (the original owner was a gamer) so it’s still fast and relatively responsive. Yes, it’s a behemoth at eight pounds. But it does everything I need, plus I’ve become attached to it, and I really don’t want to have to change all my stuff over. So I spent a hundred bucks on a battery.

The communication issue must have been in the battery itself, because Windows recognized the new battery immediately. Yay, no more unexpected shut downs! No longer will the needle crash into the hard disc surface! Woo! I went unplugged for my evening Web surfing and got about 2 1/2 hours out of it, although I noticed watching videos suck the power fast, maybe 3x as fast. When I ran just Word and email, the power drain decreased to a crawl. I think if I could stay offline I could have a good 4-hr writing session on just the battery.

Although I haven’t been off the couch with it yet, just knowing I can be is a good feeling. No I just need a bag that will fit Gigantor.

We had an actual thunderstorm yesterday, with no snow, no sleet, no frozen water in any form. There’s something so comforting about thunder. Extra comforting this time, because maybe it signifies the crazy white stuff is gone for good. Maybe? Please?

I went up to the office for a while yesterday. It doesn’t get much use since my kids are all in school. I miss it. Although, while I was up there yesterday something was irritating my eyes. I think it’s the stinky chair. (I tried to find the posts about the office and the stinky chair for the new readers, but I think they’re on the old blog.) So that chair has to go, and then we’ll see. It makes sense now why I’ve always felt sleepy up there. Some subtle chemical irritating my eyes. I’ve only been up there 2-4 times since I eliminated fragrances.

The writing went very well yesterday, though, despite the irritation. I’ve been feeling pretty crappy about this book because it I was cutting and cutting, watching my word count drop and drop, and that is the most depressing damn thing in the world. Yeah, yeah, I was cutting bad stuff. Whatev. But yesterday I saw an ENORMOUS plot hole, and I think I can make up all those cut words and then some! It’s a huge opportunity for expansion. I’m excited again. And I’m still close to being done.

Gotta go get ready for my doctor’s appointment. This is my yearly assessment of thyroid level, but I think I should also tell the doc about the old injury to my hand. I have the money but that won’t be true in a couple of months. It’s probably to late to do anything about it, but it can’t hurt for him to look at it.

Okay, wow. It seems like a month has gone by since I’ve posted, but it’s only been a week! I guess that shows how completely removed from blogging my head has been.

I’ve had a pretty nerve-wracking and emotional week, what with my grandson being born and all. Trenton came on…counting backwards–it’s all running together…he came on Friday morning, 2-12-10, after about 20 hours of labor. I’m proud of how Zariah handled it all. It’s not the ideal situation for a young lady to be in, a senior in high school while the young man is a junior, but worse things have happened. We can only let those concerns take a back seat to the celebration of this new life.

Zariah has a ton of support. Her mom’s extended family lives in the same town, so she has grandparents and aunts and cousins who would love nothing more than to babysit.

And of course the worrywart comes out of me: I’ll never get to babysit because we live too far away to be convenient; I overstep my role as her step-mom; I’m not involved enough; her dad should really be doing more, so I push him; he ignores me and I’m nervous about his lack of concern. And his lack of concern is mostly just a good attitude. He figures she’ll let him know when she needs him. I’m a high-strung gal, always have been. Something inside me says I’m in charge of everything, and even though my forebrain knows this is not the case, this feeling originates in my brain stem. So while I know my bonus daughter is incommunicado because she’s acclimating to her new role, my brain stem insists I effed it up, hurt her somehow, was too pushy or too detached. After all, I’m responsible for not only my own feelings/thoughts/actions, but also everyone elses. It’s totally ridiculous.

Trenton was so sweet, hardly cried at all while I was there. I got to hold him a couple of times and he just gazed at me. People keep telling me how great being a grandparent is, because you can give the kid back when you’re done, right? I want to have that joyous freedom, but I don’t have it in any other area of my life, so why would I in this instance? All I feel right now is this ache to be in charge of this baby, as I’ve been in charge of all the babies in my life for 11 years. But all those babies were mine. Maybe Trenton will teach me how to let go and enjoy.

Agent Chip MacGregor’s post today is about branding yourself as an author. Chip asked a branding consultant for a definition, and the consultant said, “In many ways, a brand is nothing more than a series of perceptions people have about you.” I’ve worked on branding myself as a blogger with my blossom theme, and I’ve unintentionally branded myself with content and voice, which works when everything you write is available for public consumption, i.e. a web log. Not so much for an unknown novelist.

I’ve always avoided branding myself for the common reasons: makes me feel self-aggrandizing; don’t have a product to push, so why bother; don’t really know how to categorize myself.

Those first two, I’ve got a handle on them. Everybody has areas where they excel, and I think I know mine; realizing I wouldn’t begrudge anyone else feeling good about their strengths sort of gave me permission to acknowledge mine. I still don’t have a product for sale to the public, but I do have a product for sale to publishers, and I’d like them to see how serious I am about the whole thing. In essence I’ve been branding myself to publishers this whole time, but not intentionally. I’d like to be intent about it.

So the first two, okay. The last one, how to categorize myself, is one every author struggles with at some point. For a long time I couldn’t see any similarity between the Ea’s Gift world and the Black Veil Angel world, nor the worlds of my short stories. However, I was focusing on story. When I thought about a connecting theme, it all opened up.

My protagonists don’t know what’s true and what’s a lie. They don’t know who to trust, especially themselves. There’s also some defining element of transformation in every protagonist. My characters are regular people who search for something more than themselves. A very spiritual thread.

Hey, this could be a new subgenre. Right now fantasy books dealing with spiritual themes are lumped in with the massive “fantasy” category. But I can see it now: Black Veil Angel takes the world by storm, and suddenly it’s a genre unto itself.

tee-hee

So how do you brand yourself?